Lost in the 50's............

 

 

Life Lesson# 45893 = Always check your child's homework before it gets to school!

 

 

When asked to draw a picture of what they wanted to be when they grew up, second-grader "Sarah" turned in the lovely drawing shown below.  Needless to say, the teacher was a bit surprised -- Mrs. Smith had always seemed like such a conservative woman.  So she sent a note home to the girl's mother asking for clarification as to the picture's meaning.  (read Mom's reply below the picture)

 

 

 

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

 

Dear Mrs. Jones,

 

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.

 

I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit.  I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it.    Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole.  It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

 

From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

 

Sincerely,

 

Mrs.  Smith

 

 

 

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on
demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two
cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several
Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on
the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when
I'll find any more free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
     I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but
are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
grocery store.
     I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.
     If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult
music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking
animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper
where I can hide to talk on the phone.
     On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,
Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight
and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of
power tools.
     I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in
the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice
seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by
the dog.
     If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
Styrofoam container.
     If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup
a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
     It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
crime family.
     Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
     Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and
come in and dry off so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the
table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,
MOM
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my
children young enough to believe in Santa for many years to come.

 

And it's winter before we know it....

You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate.   And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went.  I know that I lived them all...

And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is..the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise... How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?

I remember well.. seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like...  But, here it is...my friends are retired and really getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Lots are in better shape than me... but, I see the great change...  Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant... but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day!  And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory!  Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! 

But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over...its over....Yes , I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done ,,,,,things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done.  It's all in a lifetime....

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think.

"Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one."

 

Dear Walter,

 

I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbors' daughter. I'm 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbors' daughter is 22. We have been married for ten years.

 

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I'd leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him an ymore.

 

Can you please help?

 

Sincerely, Sheila
******************************

 

Dear Sheila:

 

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it's clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires.. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

 

I hope this helps,

 

WALTER

 

WET PANTS

 

 

 

Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

 

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, 'Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat.'

 

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

 

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap.

 

The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, 'Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!' Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie.

 

She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!'

 

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, 'You did that on purpose, didn't you?' Susie whispers back, 'I wet my pants once too.'

 

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good..